June 2007.

I have woken up since five o’clock - after therefore about six hours’ sleep - with my eyes a bit puffy and my legs slightly aching right at the top at the front of them.

01/06/07 06:25

Dawn got up about twenty minutes ago and I have made us both black coffee - mine with water originating from her aunt’s the other day and hers with our own tapwater drawn this morning. I do not think I am affected by drugs at all, or to any significant extent at any rate. The ‘aching’ of my legs puts me in mind of an effect naturally of having used the legs yesterday - perhaps from tensing and untensing the muscles in a confined space while driving. I feel it at the top, almost in the groin: which is not at all what I usually get and usually associate with drugs. I have been to the toilet to empty my bowels and I detected no unusual symptoms there - except possibly a slight excess of wind initially (although nothing like the quantity of internal wind there is at other times when I presume it is due to drugs). There was neither unusual stiffness nor unusual looseness. There was no soreness on evacuating the bowels: no pain and no itching. I felt slightly uncomfortable from fullness of the abdomen beforehand; now I feel comfortably free of fullness (I don’t say completely empty as if I had been purged).

I have been on the internet since getting up. I seem to be concentrating neither unusually closely nor too vaguely, and I noticed no failure to organise my thoughts (such as might be due to a lagging seriatim). I have not done much active, but have passively been catching up on others’ blogs (and regretting the fact that my own has not been updated for over a week). In other words motivations are arising - which in a sense I suppose represents the seriatim getting going, but how I would in fact regard it is that there has been no stimulant effect causing the ‘motivations’ to endure through the night - lightening my sleep - and to harass me as soon as I woke with stuff I felt an urgency to do. Besides which, as my usual motivations have gone into abeyance the past week at the park home, naturally they would not be present immediately or soon after I woke up.

01/06/07 08:40

I have prepared an update for the website up to the end of Tuesday which I am going to upload in a minute. When I was on the internet just before 6 am a warning about a rule being created kept coming up repeatedly from Norton Internet Security. I am wondering if this is based on some flaw introduced in a recent Microsoft Update. I say this because I updated the computer (this Amilo Pro, I am talking about) yesterday, and then within a few minutes more ‘Updates are Available’ so I visited Microsoft Update again and was then required to update the updating software, after which new updates were available and I downloaded and installed them. I find it a bit suspicious that I was invited to update the updating software a few minutes after I had checked for updates, installed some but not been told about any new updating software.

01/06/07 09:06

The hitcount for colinbrough.co.uk is now 1351.

01/06/07 09:11

Looking at the May 2007 page of my website, the paragraph spacing has gone a bit awry in program listings and the table of website files. This is caused by the way I convert the filtered HTML file produced by the MS Word I use to edit my pages into the file to be uploaded, convert it using my own macro editor. The classes (MsoNormal and MsoPlainText in particular) in the framework pages used by the macro editor do not correspond to the same classes according to Word 2007 (I think because Word 2007 differs from Word 2003). Also, on this Amilo Pro (whether related to the absence of certain fonts in Office 2007 I can’t say, but why should it be so?) Century Gothic text shows up as Times New Roman.

01/06/07 10:42

I have been drinking Coke this morning bought from Somerfield Kingswinford yesterday, but I did also drink a cup of coffee made with tapwater from Dawn’s aunt’s the other day (and not left unattended since, except perhaps for one night at the park home in the kitchen while we slept in our bedroom): now my bowels are loosened seemingly somehow in association with a lot of wind developing in them. Dawn got up as I believe I mentioned, just after 6 am, but within half an hour went back to bed and is still asleep, although shifting and sighing. I do not know where she has ingested a sedative drug from - as almost certainly she has - but I would guess our tapwater. Yesterday evening we had rice pudding from a tin, bought at Heron in Harworth, and I was a bit suspicious that a sedative in that was making me a drowsy. Of course it is possible the Somerfield Coke - which I started on yesterday (and Dawn drank other Coke, bought from the Harworth Co-op I believe) - contains drugs, mainly sedative in nature I suppose.

Yesterday - I feel sure - after detecting drugs in the ginger beer from Harworth Co-op I did not drink the Coke bought there. Dawn drank some later, as I say. Later in the day - presumably not having taken in any more drugs in spite of my suspicions about the milk - I’m sure I was experiencing a withdrawal syndrome from sedatives likely barbiturates. It may be that Coke lately - from Harworth Co-op and from Somerfield - contains sedative drugs. I do now feel a sedative effect presumably originating from the same source as has caused my bowel upset. At times when we were up north recently I was more constipated than loose in the bowels - especially last Friday and Saturday - and I take this to confirm the suspicion I had that I was affected by ASM, possibly as I thought reserpine. Minor sedatives including barbiturate must as I thought loosen the bowels and lead to internal wind.

I should add that this morning I have been passing copious quantities of urine but without urgency. This again I associate with ‘minor’ sedatives presumably in this case barbiturates. If it is barbiturates being given, they will not be in the tapwater unless - as on that occasion before we went away - a purgative is also included (or the supply gets cut off soon after the tap is turned on). I suppose including amphetamine in the tapwater though would make the effect of barbiturates less dangerous (by countering lowered blood pressure and heart rate).

My presumption based on what I have calculated as most likely before is that any ASM would be given in a measured that is restricted dosage eg at Dawn’s sister’s last Friday. We again went to that sister’s last Saturday and of course we visited others of the family. I am toying with the theory that what I wrote while up north was based on the evolving effects of ASM possibly reserpine given last weekend.

I can see that here once again I am coming up with vaguer and vaguer hypotheses with nothing crystallising. The above depends on the presumption that ASM is given only into my hand (as it were) in a restricted dosage, that is I am not allowed to risk dosages too high. Well, likely it is so but it may not be.

01/06/07 11:19

I decline to believe that a modern tranquilliser such as Valium would cause a lot of diuretic effect. However, based on my memories of the 1980s I am sure barbiturates do so (as alcohol, another old-fashioned sedative, does). Hence a fairly accurate way of assessing how much barbiturate is acting on me even when I am confused is by how many times I need to get up in the night to urinate, and by the copiousness and the flow of the urine (and on this basis I could tell the night we were in the ’van at Tibshelf - that is the night before last - that the barbiturate was wearing off). Another piece of evidence is to be got by taking my pulse rate.

01/06/07 11:25

I did wrong, really, to buy Coke half imagining I was choosing ‘randomly’. Coke is not something which will easily waste as milk is. We are now drinking black coffee, as before Dawn’s made with tapwater and mine with the water procured from Dawn’s aunt.

01/06/07 11:29

It is possible that formerly - in 2004 and 2005 in particular - the drugs were in the tapwater then unsuspected, so dangerous dosages could be restricted, that is the supply of barbiturate could be cut off. Last summer when we were travelling about in the ’van barbiturates could not be risked for us to carry with us in quantity, so some more modern sedative was tried - a benzo perhaps - and I warned about driving while tired. This was not successful: I suffered little confusion, I was able to do my computer programming and in the absence of confusion - and the associated susceptibility to nighttime ‘advice’ - developed my suspicion of the tapwater (now turned to certainty). So this summer attempts are being made to use barbiturates again, by including a purgative in case a dangerous dosage should be taken - eg when I fill the bath with tapwater - and possibly in the first half of April and especially the first weekend sending Dawn’s daughter and her family to assess the effects on us of such drugs.

01/06/07 15:22

We have just eaten a trifle made with the M + S milk bought yesterday. Before that at Dawn’s suggestion we moved a lot of clutter from the utility room into the garage, getting rid of some rubbish from the garage in the process.

The drugs whatever they were seem to have substantially worn off, and I am less paranoid, that is fearing less that I am to be taken advantage of by being tricked - or indeed compelled - into taking drugs I detest or which cause me major problems (the former ASM, the latter more minor sedatives such as barbiturates). Still, ‘the Authorities’ is not to be trusted because like all organisations and especially those not having a definite raison d’être such as a military organisation or a profit-making organisation, it changes its behaviour as different theories come and go (like the Socialist parties). It is my guess now that the Socialist origins of the Experiment regarded it as not at all improper to interfere in my employment prospects because the intention from the start was that the State would always ‘look after’ me. The ways in those days it was thought appropriate for people to be ‘looked after’ included for them to be given free treatment in hospital, in mental cases even if they asserted they didn’t want it (and it is still so to some extent). As the Experiment went on - the Social Scientist committees running the show wholly misunderstanding what they were about (eg the effects of the medication on me) and moreover so doctrinaire they took it for granted they (having the best advice available, they thought: just as civil servants and Council officials tend to think they are the bee’s knees even though they do not have to prove themselves to people who can vote with their feet and take their custom elsewhere) knew best and did not trouble to ask me what I thought (and earlier on ignored what they did find out about my views) - the middle course of providing me with paid companions for the period after my parents would have died was adopted, being not quite the Socialist method of institutionalisation but not just pensioning me off to freedom either. As I say, the Social theories by which ‘the Authorities’ is guided come and go, and taking advantage of my thrall when new legislation was in prospect they repeated the compulsory hospitalisations I had earlier suffered, still evidently thinking there can be nothing wrong with hospitalisation in the NHS even under compulsion in a unit like a secure unit or prison even if it was not officially precisely that. I can imagine the committee leaders thinking that as I hadn’t got anything to worry about in life - I would always be fed and watered, and stabled - it was not unreasonable for me to be required to suffer a little inconvenience.

So The Experiment continues and Dawn and I are being ‘looked after’. Thankfully nowadays (praise to the internet which was not invented by a Socialist committee and whose making so easy freedom of information flow is actually anti-Socialist - and I could say a lot about ‘international Socialism’ when the international community can never be Socialist as a whole and therefore in the real world Socialist countries have to practise isolationism) my views are listened to, and even Dawn’s to some extent through tapping phone calls to her family (even though she is unwilling to make herself known through say a website).

01/06/07 17:01

I think the drugs I have taken in since the Coke this morning - the Coke I think just contained a sedative although possibly so strong a sedative as barbiturate - were in the water used to make the jelly for our trifle. This water had been left here unattended when we went out yesterday to Somerfield. The drugs I think contained a stimulant, and some of the symptoms I have had since included feeling too hot and feeling rushed, with a sore throat, and now a dull headache with slight eyeball pain. I am a little confused by seeming constipation I have also had, or at least an urge to evacuate the bowels without success apparently because of incomplete digestion. I am wondering if ASM is admixed, especially since I have no euphoria or anything like it yet the stimulant must surely be a strong one namely amphetamine. Dawn is more stimulated by the stimulant, as usual, and less affected by any ASM if present.

A combination of strong stimulant with ASM might explain my expression of almost anger above against the effects of Socialism when put into practice without sufficient restraint.

01/06/07 17:59

As far as I can ascertain, Dawn feels ‘good’ - in a mild way - just as I did in the early 1980s on amphetamine plus barbiturate. But this time, although we have taken the same drugs Dawn and I, I do not feel at all ‘good’, but, rather, ‘tense’, with sore eyes for example (although no legs effects at the moment, presumably due to low dosages today). I must presume that the drug mixture today contains ASM, as it did not - or very little - in the early 1980s (after experimentation towards the end of the 1970s I conjecture with various relative dosages of ASM and stimulant, and sedative). The ASM has very little effect evidently on Dawn (at these relative dosages) and the stimulant which is probably genuinely amphetamine has the preponderant effect (but at the current dosage no psychotomimetic effect). (It is possible the ASM is reserpine and this explains the absence of akathisia-like effects.)

I would think the dosages are so low and are so little repeated - with the confusion of 2005 almost entirely absent for example - in the knowledge - especially given what I have already said on the internet - that I shall work out quite fully what is happening, that is as regards effects of the drugs individually and in interaction. I am invited (quite possibly explicitly by voices in the night) to suggest an answer to: Whither the Experiment?

01/06/07 19:07

I feel suffused, that is full up - my innards distended - and in association with that liable to become hot and sweat on moving even a little. Really I should go and obtain safe drink preferably water, but because of demotivation/feeling it not necessary or worthwhile (because the unpleasant drug effects should wear off if the problematic drink is water and no other and I avoid water)/I can drink Coke (which however even if it was originally undrugged has been left unattended and will not now be undrugged) and if the Coke is drugged suffer simply sedation and hope to sleep off all drug effects.

01/06/07 19:26

I have drunk almost a glass of the Coke and the turgidity - I remember from school the opposite of flaccid is turgid - is declining, but unfortunately - whether related to the presumed barbiturate in the Coke or not - my legs are now becoming uncomfortable and I am beginning to ‘chew my lips’ (which I’m not sure of the official term for: possibly dyskinesia). Also I am developing nasal congestion.

01/06/07 20:39

Over the past hour I have nodded off at times - at least, one time - but on waking have felt wider-awake than before. So the effect of these drugs on sleep - mainly down to barbiturate I suppose, although whether barbiturate on its own would have this result I am unsure - is to send me off into a light sleep for a short period - certainly less than an hour (although recently at the park home with higher dosages of barbiturate for longer than an hour) - after which I am fully awake and might be tempted to believe there is no effect of barbiturate, perhaps that it has worn off. But the drowsiness returns later. When it does genuinely wear off I go through a withdrawal period of tension of the type I had yesterday (although I did not fully withdraw from the drug as I later carelessly drank Coke).

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02/06/07 03:51 [Saturday]

I have woken up - about five minutes ago - all of a sudden, it seems to me, and with only the faintest hint of aching in my legs. I am now drinking Coke which I believe originated from Harworth Co-op and which yesterday I concluded was not drugged, out of all the Coke we have, some bought recently at Somerfield Kingswinford and some left here unattended bought originally at Asda Merry Hill.

02/06/07 06:24

I have updated my website again, taking it up to the end of yesterday on the time-line. I am thinking about making better use of webspace available to me, possibly indeed finding a way of making use of free webspace such as some blogging hosts provide. However, also I have paid for so many MB (I forget how many) for barrass-brough.info, and although it is onerous to make use of it as text has to be uploaded paragraph by paragraph, nonetheless taking some of the entries from my blog to do with character recognition out and putting them there would have the advantage of separating out a topic perhaps not all readers of colinbrough.co.uk are capable of being interested in. (The first entry in 2007 to do with character recognition - for my own information - is dated Friday 5 January 2007.)

02/06/07 07:40

Logging onto Microsoft Update once again, I have been invited to install new versions of Microsoft Update and Windows Update, and have done so. But there are after all no other updates at present to Windows or the other MS products implicated.

02/06/07 07:48

All morning the NatWest online service has been unavailable to me. I guess most probably this is deliberately engineered for the case of this computer logged on via this Virgin Media connection, and the prerequisites which have been put in place have involved ensuring no other computer can work on this line with Blueyonder broadband, and probably recent updates from Microsoft or purportedly from Microsoft have also played a part, eg in identifying this computer to NatWest.

This is all very well, but it makes my life more burdenous set against what should be available to the modern customer of NatWest (I know we managed in the past without internet banking) and which I am paying NatWest for one way or another. Even having to phone them to ask them to get it working again - and likewise Virgin Media - is extra burden (and even if in particular cases things which go wrong do so naturally, nonetheless the average burden on me is increased by the activities of the Authorities). This is besides the additional frustration beyond what is natural by virtue of things going wrong more than is natural, this frustration becoming significant if I am affected by strong stimulants.

02/06/07 08:03

So far this morning the only thing I have taken by mouth has been a glass of Coke as mentioned above. I have had slight difficulty - becoming noticeable around the time of the 06:24 entry - maintaining concentration on the close computer work, and now my eyes are sore (also my throat is slightly sore). Because there is no sign of a stimulant in the Coke affecting me - no urinary or bowel effects for example (going to the toilet has been normal apart from producing a lot of crap, which I would blame on yesterday’s barbiturate: as regards quantity of urine, I don’t think I had to get up even once in the night to go to the toilet) - although of course the effects of ASM are more subtle - or at least difficult to notice at small dosage levels in the absence of gross side-effects, because of the interference with introspection - I am almost certain the effects this morning - confined really to this extra difficulty concentrating for a long period and correspondingly extra strain on the eyes - are carrying over from yesterday’s drugs. In particular, I do not feel any significant frustration despite the NatWest failure and then recollecting the Blueyonder failure on the other computers.

I mention that I do have a pain in the neck.

02/06/07 08:54

I have written a little VB prog to randomly generate the name and address of a local Asda or Sainsbury’s:

I must say doing this has given me considerable pleasure, that is achievement emotion. The comparison of the amount of pleasure available (quite a bit) set against the effort required (very little) is a measure of the absence of ASM in my system and the wide fluctuation possible inversely of dopamine and serotonin (presumably in my frontal brain).

(By the way, I must apologise for including the apostrophe in Sainsbury’s but I needed to do so in accessing their website, and this strictly more correct usage I suppose seems to have stuck for the minute.)

A simple extension would allow me to randomly decide between (say) full-cream, semi-skimmed or skimmed milk, or between Coke, Sprite, Dr Pepper and Tango, etc. In fact, I could probably print out a randomised shopping list. Of course (focusing the mind) a random selector between Evian, Volvic, Buxton, etc would be very useful.

02/06/07 09:13

More ideas coming to my fertile mind include: in case this computer could (conceivably?) be got at in such a way as to interfere with random number generation, I could save all the random numbers generated by such progs as the above and analyse them statistically over time. In case the file storing up the numbers might be interfered with I could keep safe copies in a remote location (paranoid or what?). Or include internal checks (along the lines of check-digits, but coded) for consistency of the file.

02/06/07 10:11

Preparing now to update my website yet again (encouraged I have reason to believe by nighttime advisory voices, as I did say to myself it’s a shame if it goes long - eg when we are in Nottinghamshire - without being updated, and it is to Their advantage to have regularly updated information) I find MS Word is malfunctioning, in c&p-ing (the paragraph spacing - something I have gone on about quite a bit on the website - is not preserved). This pretty surely is a result of recent Microsoft Updates, and regrettably I must presume Microsoft themselves are implicated, despite being a product of Capitalist entrepreneurship in the USA.

02/06/07 11:21

I have suffered some confusion seemingly in the past hour. We had breakfast immediately after I wrote the above, because I remember Dawn insisting I leave the computer at that point. The nature of the confusion was in thinking I had prepared an update of the Recent page after the one ending with the 09:13 entry this morning. When however I looked in the relevant folder there was no more recent version. I became further confused when for some reason I came to believe the version in the folder Test website (updated) was such a more recent version. I therefore conjectured that copying the more recent version to the folder in question had somehow lost it.

In fact the saved version (almost every time I update a page I save the newly updated version) is as it should be the version now uploaded, uploaded in fact this morning and taking the story up to the end of yesterday. I was in the process of preparing an update and evidently had altered the file corresponding to the Recent page only once, including entries up to the 09:13 entry.

The upshot of it is that in something I have taken by mouth this morning there has been barbiturate, giving me now a headache and causing me to suffer confusion. The list of what I have taken (exhaustive I believe) is: Coke (mentioned earlier); black coffee made with water which should be that procured a number of days ago from Dawn’s aunt’s tap; breakfast consisting of egg fried in Fry Light, bread also fried the same way.

02/06/07 11:40

I think the drugs I have taken in include reserpine, because I am feeling distinctly anxious at the prospect of someone coming to view the bungalow this afternoon, much the same sort of anxiety as I felt phoning the West Bromwich Building Society the other day. What I ‘fear’ is that I shall not promptly produce coherent and relevant words to say.

02/06/07 11:43

I recall now: a few minutes ago (less than half an hour it appears to me now) I ate a ginger nut from a packet of biscuits from Somerfield, or possibly two (my memory is unclear).

It is said no one from the estate agency is available to show the viewers round this afternoon. I feel angry that I have been placed in this position, this anger a clear sign that stimulant present is countering the tendency to shrink which reserpine on its own would cause. The thing is, what do I do about it? I could phone the estate agent and cry off, but a possible course is to ensure we are out this afternoon. The only thing with that is the viewers did not say exactly what time they are coming.

02/06/07 12:00

After I found - if it’s right, and not a product of my confusion - that MS Word on this computer is now corrupt, I started to think of myself as pretty special, that such things are done - not only involving British supermarkets but also Microsoft - and furthermore that if Microsoft are involved surely - becoming quite sanguine - the Authorities cannot get away with incarcerating me again, as freedom of the individual is such a strong factor in the US and - I hoped - US-led corporations. I did recollect though that I had written to Microsoft just before my incarceration of 2005, and on the assumption the letter was not stopped by the postal authorities - most likely, one presumes, the British postal authorities - Microsoft are responsible for failing to help me avoid the incarceration. What I mainly wish to register here though is that the reason I was sanguine was the amphetamine affecting me, from the Coke evidently. And, as I say, latterly an ASM effect likely of reserpine has made itself felt. All this together with confusion which I must blame on a barbiturate also admixed.

I have less to say now, the effect of the ASM being to empty my mind of ideas. I will check up again on MS Word. (At one stage I supposed Microsoft had gone so far as to write software corrupting copying within my folders in particular, and this explained I thought the seeming loss of a version of the Recent page. I felt even more special then. I think probably though the interference must be limited to causing Word to malfunction.)

02/06/07 12:18

It isn’t doing it wrong now, so I must conclude it was a product of my confusion somehow. There is therefore no evidence that Microsoft have improperly updated my computer, and the basis of much of what I have been doing the past two hours is flawed. Once again the Authorities have incurred cost on me this time in wasted effort (of course the same sort of thing occurred much more extensively in the past, with confusion building on confusion in my mind).

02/06/07 12:24

To try to sort matters out to my own satisfaction, the following, revealing that Recent (Office format).html was created at 10:50 and modified a few minutes later, refers to the version created when I edited the original file using Notepad, after editing the pic May2007-14.jpg at 10:48.

Another confusion I have been in has caused me I suspect to name some [Word] files as if today’s date is 2 May not 2 June.

02/06/07 12:30

No: what I have in mind is that I am still naming pics as if we are in May.

02/06/07 19:20

Soon after writing the above we went in the ’van to Brierley Hill - this based on my random selector (as written at that stage: I have since improved it) for supermarkets - avoiding Wordsley where the road works held us up a long time the other evening, and did food shopping at Asda (Brierley Hill). My random selector had indicated that I should buy Buxton water, but Asda had none (except small bottles of carbonated). I had half decided in advance that if the shop - wherever it was - didn’t have what I had been advised (randomly) to buy I would try to find the nearest shop which did have it. However, because Dawn was intent on rushing home to cope with our viewers we had little time, and in the two shops along Brierley Hill High Street I tried - one of which was Home Bargains - I found no Buxton. Thinking about matters - slightly overthinking I think, due to the drugs taken earlier - I wondered if Buxton had been withdrawn today because the licence-holders would not allow it to be contaminated with drugs. The main culprits are Evian and Volvic. So I came home with Dr Pepper (selected randomly by position along the shelf) from Asda but water bought - a small bottle only - from the filling station in Bromley Lane which we went in because the fuel light was showing on the ’van again. I feel sure the till-hand there - the wife I suspect of the owning family - knew nothing of me, and the water there might all of it have been undrugged.

When we got back home and had had cheese sandwiches (and I had had palpitations, presumably indicating recent ASM and possibly other sedatives had worn off) our viewers came and seemed to indicate they might make an offer. I think it was after that Dawn spoke to her daughter on the phone and the daughter brought up the question what might happen should we sell the bungalow but be left with the park home - and ground rent - on our hands. After they had gone I revised the random selector prog - for one thing including now local Tescos - and then we went shopping at Somerfield Kingswinford ignoring any randomisation. We bought Coke - two 2l for £2 - and a jar of coffee amongst other things. On the way back from there, encouraged by the till-hand earlier not showing a flicker of recognition, we called again at the filling station in Bromley Lane and I bought two more of the identical small (75cl) Brecon Carreg bottles. Since returning home this time I have re-filled the bathtub with water from the cold-water tap, we have had dinner and I have made a mug of coffee with the water bought this evening and the coffee granules from Somerfield, and drunk so far half of it. I detect no drug effects, nor from the two or three glasses of the Dr Pepper I drank earlier.

I forgot: at Asda this afternoon we bought two 2 pt bottles of semi-skimmed milk and I drank almost the whole of one of the bottles within the hour, I estimate, thinking - evidently correctly - that it was inconceivable it would be drugged, when there were as usual row after row of them on sale and the supermarket was extremely busy.

02/06/07 20:40

In forming the present update to the website, I find the .rtf and .doc files containing what I wrote earlier (reproduced above now) are jumbled and contain repetitions. This I take to be a consequence of my confusion at the time (earlier today) caused by barbiturate, it seems undeniable.

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03/06/07 04:21 [Sunday]

I was briefly awake just before 2 am, and at that time Dawn seemed to be more or less awake saying she had tummy pains. I went to the toilet, the only time during the night I did so and more because I thought I wanted to empty my bowels (but I didn’t, and I suspect ‘hypnosis’). Now I have woken up in the past five minutes, and my eyes are a bit puffy which I would put down to a residual effect of barbiturate taken yesterday morning. I am boiling more Brecon Carreg water from a 75cl bottle, to make coffee. I have a bit of a bad taste in my mouth and very slight nasal congestion, the latter I think probably resulting from a very mild dosage of ASM possibly reserpine yesterday morning.

03/06/07 04:30

I have taken my first sip of the coffee.

We went to bed soon after 10 pm so I have had over six hours’ sleep, so much presumably because of the barbiturate sedative yesterday morning. It may be that nighttime voices woke us just before 2 am the Authorities thinking I - if not Dawn - might at that stage have had enough sleep.

03/06/07 05:32

I have now written the prog I have been meaning to write, to copy odd files in My Documents into a Work-In-Progress folder. I have created a Briefcase copy of this folder on the Briefcase USB device. So now I can quickly create and maintain backups of any bits of work I am doing should I suddenly have to break off. Although I am pleased with what I have achieved in getting this prog to work this morning, I am not as near-euphoric as I was after writing the random-supermarket generator yesterday, and part of the difference is that I am less delayed by ‘basking’, that is already I am thinking of other things to go on to. Yesterday - these effects due to the stimulant presumably genuine amphetamine affecting me yesterday morning around 9 am, from the Coke I had drunk (like the ginger beer I rejected the other day noticing drugs in that sooner, from Harworth Co-op) - although ‘my fertile mind’ did think up extensions I might make based on what I had done, they were closely tied to what had already been done (whereas today the ‘other things to go on to’ are more tenuously linked: remoter, and one’s presumption would be that the closeness of associations yesterday was due to the way the ASM in the drug mixture interfered with inhibition from my frontal brain of ‘sideways’ links within my middle brain, the combination of stimulant and ASM producing thus a mild simulacrum of schizophrenia as I have almost understood on previous occasions) and moreover (yesterday) the envisaged extensions to my prog were somewhat fantastical. I suppose then the extensions which suggested themselves to me yesterday were more tied to what I had already done (my ‘inner presumptions’ in a short-term meaning) than to the facts of the real world. This explains, actually, repetitiousness in schizophrenia - not only perseveration but schizoid aversion to novelty and change, eg in the form of new friends - in that what is already in the mind in a short-term sense has a big influence on what the schizo does next, just as what is in the mind in a long-term sense - some schizophrenics’ inherent presumptions that all women are prostitutes, say - also has a big influence on what he does.

It is my impression that recently the Authorities have attempted to make me psychotic or nearly so with drugs I could not easily avoid - eg in drinks bought in Harworth - and have then led me into situations which might cause frustration - eg heavy traffic yesterday seemingly the result of road-works in Wordsley. Yesterday’s experience was just short of unpleasant for me: in fact finely balanced between frustration at the heavy traffic I was unable to avoid, on the one hand, and self-congratulatory gloating related to euphoria based on my success in avoiding worse (by having had some forethought, eg in writing my random-supermarket prog and also in having remembered about the road-works in Wordsley) on the other hand. This shows up well the opposing but interacting psychological effects of ASM and amphetamine-stimulant, and the experience was not actively unpleasant because I had had some success after all in avoiding high dosages of the drugs thrust on me.

I ask myself why Dawn - who has surely taken in more of the drugs than I as she declines to suspect drinks - has not shown more frustration. The answer must be that there is a greater proportion of ASM in the tapwater which she takes quite freely, and ASM succeeds in her case in combating the effects of stimulants and specifically their tendency to cause frustration, unlike in myself when mixing ASM with stimulants (with a higher proportion of ASM) produces if not more frustration then a horrible tenseness.

Thinking about it, this tenseness - which can become a physical tenseness affecting particularly my legs (but in Armond’s time I recall I had horrible tenseness in my chest occasionally) - must occur when with higher dosages of ASM what would be frustration gets suppressed. In other words giving very mild dosages of ASM with powerful stimulant produces (in me) a simulacrum of psychosis (above), and increasing the relative contribution of ASM produces first frustration and with even higher dosages frustrated frustration, the horrible feeling of being held down and suppressed which I had a lot in the first decade - say - of my treatment.

03/06/07 11:53

I have written a prog this morning to check out the HTML files constituting my website pages, to verify whether the hrefs and the imgs contain references with slashes in them. The implication then would in general be that the references are to another folder containing say images, and with Easily websites (of the cheap sort I am using for colinbrough.co.uk) you have to keep all the files in one folder. (An exception is where the href references an external website, in which case - I suppose always in such cases - the reference will begin “http://” or “www.” with no colon included.) The main basis on which this prog was started was that using MS Word the images are kept in a separate folder if HTML is output, leading to difficulties I have had before when changing the references to the image files in the HTML has been necessary.

So far the prog simply stops with a message if such a reference containing a slash is found. What I could do when I have time is print out a file of the questionable references, allowing me in practical application to go through that file and alter the filenames. Then a routine in the prog (also yet to be written) would read through the revised file and substitute the filenames in the HTML. Also of course it would be appropriate not to flag references to external websites as errors (although reading through the printout I would soon recognise such anyway.)

I did get so far in preparing an update of my website, but then was distracted into writing the prog to verify the file references as I say. I would now like to publish my prog when I do upload an update, to demonstrate my better thinking when free of drugs. (Comparing my programming today with what I was trying to do last autumn tells me what a blight it is when I am - as I was then - given ASM.) The trouble is webspace: I may have to reorganise my website files to be able to put up such a lot of text as constitutes the listing of this prog. Furthermore we are going out for a bit in the ’van, and of course I need to try to keep on top of the drugs situation.

More news: my Work-In-Progress prog is defective when copying HTML files with associated folders (_files folders). I need to rewrite the prog to use FileSystemObjects.

03/06/07 12:31

Balancing up our NatWest account - the online service having resumed - I find a receipt from the Lloyds cash machine in Kingswinford yesterday is odd. It doesn’t say I have withdrawn anything - although I had withdrawn £10 - and it is odd also - because as it stands it looks like a balance enquiry, which it was not - because there is an unmatched left parenthesis. I shall try to use this evidence somehow to my advantage.

03/06/07 13:52

We have come to a lay-by near Bridgnorth where we were the other week and eaten a lunch of sandwiches. Dawn drank a glass of Coke - I think it must have been one of the ones bought yesterday at Somerfield Kingswinford - and she is slightly snappy when annoyed, from which I conclude that Coke contains more amphetamine, that is that the dosage is being stepped up with a view to affecting me (rather than Dawn) more. I am drinking my Dr Pepper bought yesterday at Asda Brierley Hill.

What is being quite well shown up (while also demonstrating that it is ASM which blights my psychology rather than amphetamine, the worst effects coming from ASM with amphetamine admixed or old-style ASM which produces a paradoxical ‘stimulant’ effect by causing me so much physical unpleasantness) is the relationship between creativity and schizophrenia, and also how much more effective is one’s activity if one keeps one step ahead by having sufficient resources to process not only for current problems but also those on the horizon. The difficulty in genuine schizophrenia is that worrying about the future disrupts activity in the present. What I mean specifically is that writing my random-supermarket generator yesterday was a major help in advance of having to go out to procure safe drink. This has given me drug-free time in which to exercise (as I say) my creativity.

I said a while back that I had thought of using river-water and getting purifying tablets from a camping shop. But of course another way of purifying water - eg sea-water for those stranded without fresh water - is by boiling it and collecting the condensed vapour. I imagine this would equally well purify drugged water. I daresay one can buy titration kits such as are used in school science labs, but here is a cheaper Heath-Robinson way:

03/06/07 14:36

The sort of output my supermarket randomiser now yields is shown here:

03/06/07 15:54

I am eating cheese and biscuits, having returned (the two of us) to the bungalow. I mention this in case by some chance foods are sometimes drugged (it may be I have been ‘hypnotised’ to be suspicious in this regard). The thing is, once free of drugs and all withdrawal effects over, I would hopefully recognise fresh drugging, especially since the dosages I conclude are increased gradually over a period so that I will be less likely to notice the drugs. This period of increase - in the latest phase - I conclude has been completed, as I can have no doubt given the vehicles we saw on the roads today (on our trip more or less to Bridgnorth and then back along the Stourbridge road, calling at ‘our’ garage on the way back) that the Authorities are ‘out to get me’ this weekend and presumably (based on past experience) for a while yet at a high degree of intensity (indeed possibly, as used to be usual, through the summer). (Not only vehicles but police road-signs and markings.) At that garage we obtained Buxton water - I think the proprietor thought it a bit odd when I fetched out the front four bottles and selected the fifth behind - and milk - again the fifth bottle - as well as a set of funnels - for titration or whatever the term is and odd vegetable plants for us to eat in six to eight weeks - we were advised when they might be ready, failing pestilence, drought, etc (and I almost seem to be pretending to be pessimistic here).

(The reason I chose the fifth bottles of substances was I mis-remembered what my randomiser had advised.)

I’m not sure whether when the Experiment was originally envisaged it was realised I would suffer from the induced psychosis. I say this because - as I have before mooted - it might have been imagined the amphetamine would make me happy. In fact given the amphetamine in those dosages - and in the early 1980s I’m not sure any ASM was admixed at all, at the times the psychotomimetic effect was required - I suffered terrible frustration - although alternating with jokiness which did not do me any favours with Armond. But the main reason I have suffered has been the entirely wrong treatment which has followed on my initial amphetaminisation.

The point is psychiatrists think schizophrenics - even very clever ones, such as John Nash - are silly, and cannot in the least comprehend - and barely believe - what they are on about. I regret this, and I’m sure a lot of psychiatrists do - especially the younger ones with less investment in the entrenched system - but by virtue of the fact that psychiatrists are silly I’m not sure what can be done about it. I think it’s a good thing that staff - or at least volunteers - in psychiatric establishments are many of them loonies themselves.

03/06/07 17:35

I am drinking coffee made with the milk bought at the wayside garage. I have been a bit sleepy, but not to believe any unnatural sedative is acting on me (sleepy before drinking the coffee, I mean, as I have only just started on it) [but see below for puzzling over this].

03/06/07 19:14

I am trying to finalise the webpage verification prog, that is get it to replace the strings containing slashes. I easily got it printing out the offending strings to a file, but having edited that file and trying now to write into the prog the routines necessary to read through the edited file and use it as a source to replace the strings containing slashes, I have rather lost my way. I suppose the first clue I was not thinking clearly was that I wrote quite a bit of code without testing it as I went along - which the ‘visual’ nature of Visual Basic naturally invites you to do, and which I was doing this morning with great success. More generally - and this is something I have referred to before - not getting the prog to satisfactorily display what it is doing as it executes makes for difficulty. Of course what happens is the rewritten prog fails, and you haven’t got a clue where it’s going wrong.

Anyway, the ASM growing in its effect - also given away by nasal congestion which has developed - I am simply fiddling with the code without thinking - internally envisaging - what is going on. If I can’t internally envisage, as I say getting the prog to display output would be a help, but thus far - although I seem now (laboriously) to be being helped by introspective awareness of the incorrect methodology I am following - I have been remiss there.

There seems to be no stimulant acting on me. I find this slightly puzzling. The ASM I presume was in the milk from the wayside garage. (However, I was ‘sleepy’ beforehand. Am I to suspect the marg? Originating from Asda Brierley Hill but left out of the fridge relatively easily accessible to agents entering with a key now given up officially - although temporarily, to the estate agent I mean - in any case. I might be willing to believe it was sold containing these drugs, although any computer programmer who proceeds in the fashion I do surely would be interfered with in his work, but of course only as a one-off.)

I mention that I have slight discomfort in my legs and there is no question of the drug affecting me - at least the one far predominating - being barbiturate: it is ASM.

03/06/07 20:45

The ASM effects were very short-lived. Although there are now still residual difficulties, substantially I am thinking as I should be. I am going slower in the sense of writing and testing code incrementally (or saccadically as we psychological theorists say): after each alteration I test the prog (these are actually alterations to the alterations I made earlier, and now as I implied I would I am displaying the results at each incremental stage) and correct the alteration (this recursively, as we computer scientists say) until that increment passes muster.

Basically the prog works. But it has occurred to me I have not catered for strings containing within them double quotes. Except now I think of it, they aren’t allowed in file references (or hrefs). They could be, just as spaces are: if a name including a double quote is used, enclose it in double quotes itself (as when a space is included) and of course repeat the double quote within. A bit complicated, admittedly.

I presume the mild dosage of ASM was included with a view to confusing me, or making me fearful/paranoid about drinks (and perhaps foods). Evidently it was an old-style drug whose psychological effect compared to the noticeable physical side-effects (akathisia and nasal congestion, etc) is mild. However, by that very fact (that is lack of psychological disruption) it is easy to determine - or at least delimit - what must have contained the drug.

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04/06/07 04:02 [Monday]

I have woken up after less than four hours’ sleep presumably due to a rebound effect after yesterday’s ASM (in fact the marg was bought the preceding day, and I had mild symptoms from that time, but complicated by the effect of barbiturate enduring from earlier Friday). I am boiling water bought at the filling station in Bromley Lane, to make coffee.

04/06/07 04:36

I have paid our Dudley Council Tax for June online (the NatWest service working today) and have generated a random supermarket to buy random water from. I have recorded what I have done (in case later analysis or post-mortem should be necessary) by taking screenshots. I have written the decision of the random-supermarket generator down in case like yesterday my memory should fail. I’m wondering whether to preserve funds by cancelling the National Trust direct debit and let them chase us, paying by cheque perhaps in future.

04/06/07 04:46

If we got bus passes for a week, it would cost us just under £12 and would render us immune from the ’van going wrong whether by interference or otherwise (and also the amount of fuel in the ’van seems to fluctuate oddly, or am I just paranoid?).

If you don’t pay your Council Tax (for Bassetlaw I mean in this instance) how long is it before they demand the full year’s payment?

It might be worth preparing a random-supermarket generator for the north Notts area. It would be as well in any case to advise myself of addresses of alternative sources of supply up there, as I am less familiar than down here. I wonder how much trouble it would be to the Authorities to drug the water supply to taps in the Harworth public toilets and (say) the toilets in the Bawtry Tea Rooms and the GP surgery we used to attend at Bawtry.

04/06/07 07:18

I have further improved the random-supermarketeer, and show below an example of its output.

04/06/07 07:37

I am in a state of too-elevated ‘excitement’ that is self-congratulatory near-euphoria. Furthermore I lost track of the fact that I was supposed to be making Dawn a mug of coffee. I conclude amphetamine is acting on me, and while from the timing I feel inclined to blame the Dr Pepper I am now drinking, on the whole I think most likely it is the Brecon Carreg water bought from the Bromley Lane filling station Saturday which contains drugs. My memory is unclear - which I have learnt to blame on barbiturate - but I do not think I have taken anything by mouth this morning other than black coffee made with the Brecon Carreg water (and which I daresay I mentioned when I got up) and the Dr Pepper. I’m not sure if I am on my first glass of Dr Pepper or my second, but I feel fairly sure it is only my first.

04/06/07 07:46

I am now becoming confused, for example in saving diary notes I am making and then with certainty retrieving them (that is I am uncertain of retrieving them). Looking back at my diary notes of earlier this morning, it seems I drank the coffee during the hour up to about 5 am. I was engaged on the random-supermarket prog for over two hours, and although I could think clearly enough then to have success with it, I suspect I was becoming less clear in my head as time went on, and now I have very little recollection of the period over which I did the prog.

I wasn’t really confused, from what I can recollect. I remember I was unsure at first how to test the Value of a radio button (in fact it is Option1.Value, or of that ilk, and takes boolean values). My checkboxes I initially called CheckKingswinford and CheckHarworth, later changing them to chkKingswinford and chkHarworth. I learnt about Frames, which I have never previously used, and also drew lines on my Form, again a thing I have never previously investigated. It can readily be seen from my lack of aversion to novelty that ASM was not affecting me, and if amphetamine had then got hold it might imply I was trying more outrageous novelties than naturally I would (but I do not detect that I was doing that). I think an indicator that amphetamine was acting is to be found in the fact that I was held to really a fairly trivial prog, and derived (as part of the explanation why I was held) unnaturally great achievement emotion on getting bits of it to work. I conclude therefore that I am right to suspect the drink I first took, that is the water used for the coffee made soon after 4 am. From the time-lag before the confusion arrived, I conclude that confusion is caused by a long-acting barbiturate (phenobarbitone) also in the Brecon Carreg water.

04/06/07 08:09

I’m wondering how to preserve the amphetamined water (for use later as evidence or to supply to innocent parties to discourage these things being done). The best way would be to seal it in a container with a superglued banknote, but I only have a twenty available and will in this instance try locking it in a safe with a randomised combination set.

04/06/07 08:18

I have tipped the drugged water into a Brecon Carreg bottle with a different batch number hoping to sow confusion. If I buy many of these Brecon Carreg bottles of water, they will either be drugged or not. I can preserve a supply of safe water having ascertained which are not drugged. If any are drugged - or if many are - I can build up a quantity of illicit drugs. However, I feel I should (if I can obtain a quantity) report the matter to the police, who will surely not confiscate many bottles of water I have paid for unless they find - eg by sampling some - that they do in fact contain drugs. Putting it like that makes it obvious that only on rare occasion would I be able to buy drugged bottles of water, and hence I should easily be able to collect a supply of safe water. What it is necessary to do - and what is baffled when I am drugged - is provide for the future, that is a large supply of safe water securely stored (with superglued banknotes).

04/06/07 08:39

Sometime I think before the entry above - say between 8 am and ten past - we had breakfast and with this breakfast I had bread with some marg on it. So I anticipate I may feel the effects of ASM counteracting the amphetamine.

As I have said, escape from continuous and gradually increasing drugging and I have a chance of better detecting drugged drinks (or foods). The Experiment succeeded in the past because of the fact that I continued to take the tapwater even though on occasion I had suspicions.

04/06/07 09:39

I daresay because of the drugs my fears are exaggerated, but I can just imagine some directional microphone picking up our words as we have been induced - by the hot weather - to keep a window open in our lounge (even though we have not been persuaded to use the room at the rear as our lounge, out of the notice of innocent passers-by). Dawn has been asking me about where we are going shopping this morning, and I shall be interested to see the consequences of my mention [aloud] of Brecon Carreg water and the Tesco Express in Kingswinford (at a filling station - Esso I think).

04/06/07 09:44

I’m feeling tired, with my eyes sore. The consequence of undue tiredness might be - ultimately - that I stay in and have to drink the tapwater. Too much sedation consequent on drinking the tapwater would keep me at home - as was almost the case in the summer of 1980 - which of course is no good to the Authorities, who then have nothing to observe. But what motivation - as I was debating on my AOL Homepage in 2004 - can be used to get me to go about and strive? Avoidance of ASM, naturally, but as I say this could be self-defeating for the Authorities as ASM itself demotivates me. The thing we want to avoid - Dawn and I - is being ‘starved out’ at times of Their choosing.

What has happened in the past of course is that strong stimulant in the tapwater - amphetamine, possibly mixed with ASM - has indeed caused me to go out and about, but without proper direction and planning. In about 1983 for example I hared off to Congleton in Cheshire, but it did me no good (I was trying to obtain a replacement for an LP I presumed had been made defective deliberately by the Authorities). Randomisation is a good policy.

04/06/07 12:52

We are back from a shopping trip to Kingswinford. We walked down soon after the man from Why Wait removals had been and gone. He offered to put his price - I think it was about £845 - in writing and make it firm for 90 days (whereas usually the period is 60 days).

04/06/07 13:05

(The break was for lunch of pork luncheon meat sandwiches, made with bread and luncheon meat bought this morning at Somerfield and (for me) Lurpak bought this morning at the Tesco Express (at the Esso garage in Kingswinford.) The first port of call on walking down to Kingswinford was Lloyds bank - the cash machine to see if I could replicate the type of receipt I obtained on Saturday (which was 2 June 2007). I did replicate it and it was a balance enquiry receipt, complete with mismatched left parenthesis. A withdrawal receipt is identical except instead of “Account balance” and “Available balance” it shows “Withdrawal” and “Account balance”. An online statement obtained yesterday from NatWest shows:

2 Jun 2007 ATM - - 10.00 -

but (and it must be today) I’m sure I have seen a reference to this withdrawal being from a Lloyds bank machine.

04/06/07 13:13

I am feeling slightly hot in the head and slightly confused. While we were out I noted ‘12:22 Drank Somerf[ield] milk (cupful)’, a reference to a 2 pt bottle of blue-top we bought from Somerfield this morning. Other than that and the luncheon meat sandwiches I have taken nothing by mouth recently.

I presume the explanation for the seeming anomaly in the Lloyds receipt is that confused by barbiturate I did not obtain a receipt when I withdrew £10 - wherever it was from - and later forgot what had gone on (eg where for certain I withdrew the cash). I don’t think it’s worth troubling over. As in the Microsoft case Saturday (or was it yesterday? I think Saturday, as part of the confusion reigning most of that day) Lloyds are unlikely to have specially re-programmed a cash machine.

04/06/07 13:23

I am becoming confused in adding up the money we have spent on the debit card, and being sure not to omit anything. In June 2005 I was confused in my arithmetic that is in counting photos. This is evidently an effect of barbiturate. Anyway, this morning I withdrew £40 from the Lloyds cash machine. We used the card also this morning at Somerfield (£11.21) and yesterday at the wayside garage at Rushmere near Bridgnorth (£11.67).

After Lloyds this morning we went to the shop attached to the post office and obtained two bus passes (one week, off-peak covering the Black Country) at £5.90 each for a total of £11.80 (paying in cash). Then we went to our usual café where while Dawn ordered and paid I went to the toilet and more or less filled two Brecon Carreg 75cl bottles with tapwater (it was difficult - in fact impossible - to get the bottles wholly under the tap). That coffee then was something else I have taken by mouth this morning, which I had forgotten.

After that we walked to the Tesco Express, and I may have been a trifle energised and made a trifle jokey (ie by drugs in the coffee). We bought Volvic water (lemon and lime flavour as the only Volvic available) in the 1.5l size, and the Lurpak already mentioned. I am faintly tempted to note down the batch number on the Volvic bottle, and this effect represents a loss - due to ASM - of seriatim control of my lower processes (insufficiently inhibiting ‘sideways’ links) in that I cannot properly process to decide whether it is worth setting down such details - and details occur to me because of the resolution of my lower processes but also their over-strength as regards synaptic transmission (presumably exacerbated by the amphetamine acting on me). I am convinced having said all that and looking back to events while we were out - including slight tetchiness on Dawn’s part waiting for a bus half an hour late, to come back home - that the café coffee contained drugs including amphetamine, presumably mainly with a view to maintaining our momentum while we were out (a mild dosage only, but affecting Dawn in that way as I say).

After the Tesco Express we walked back towards Somerfield and both felt a need to use the public toilet (another sign we had been given amphetamine shortly prior). In Somerfield we bought pork for the main meal - Dawn estimates it might last three days - and the pork luncheon meat. Also soup, eggs, bread and canned peas and canned carrots. And the blue-top milk, and some sort of pancakes reduced in price (‘SF FSH F-R’) (unable to set aside the tendency to give detail).

I thought then that we might go on to say Mary Stevens Park, but Dawn - under the influence of whatever combination of drugs it was - wanted to come home instead of carting our shopping about. Whether the implication is that unadulterated amphetamine affects Dawn in this rather negative stimulant manner, causing here to want to rush if anywhere then home, I can’t be sure. (And I am right to use the word rush as this eager desire for home generated the goal creating the frustration she exhibited when the bus was so late.)

An effect of the amphetamine we have both suffered is sore throat.

The best time to test out drinks to determine if they are drugged is first thing in the morning, any drugs of the preceding day then having worn off at least somewhat. I have the lemon and lime Volvic water, the two 75cl bottles of café tapwater and the 1.5l bottle of Buxton water bought yesterday at Rushmere all to be tested. If we go out I’d better carry them with me. I had hoped to buy a quantity more of the Brecon Carreg 75cl from Bromley Lane thinking it was unlikely to be drugged, and if it was drugged as Saturday’s first 75cl was then I would have a fair supply of powerful agents. As regards what I can drink today, I have the remainder of the Dr Pepper which is certainly undrugged, and the Somerfield milk which is virtually certain to be undrugged.

The question arises why I am doing so much better than before at combating the drugging. The answer I think is not mainly that I have gathered so much experience - although it is partly that I have had time to think out solutions, like café and other public-place tapwater, and ‘titrating’ drugged water (which I have yet to experiment with) - but by virtue of not being affected by ASM my thinking is better resolved, that is it contains more detail for example the number of different stores I can shop at (not represented so simply as myself listing them out individually, but manifesting in the form of accessing details of addresses on the internet - although I myself needed to think out what supermarket chains are in existence and the more the better to give better randomisation: the latest I have looked up is Waitrose). This better resolution is the basis of creativity - having a large number of factors (neural structures or supermarkets) which can mutually interact (eg supermarket chains can interact with the internet to throw out addresses of great use in my fight to evade drugging). Allow me to enthuse with my AI hat on over the notion that disparate entities like supermarket chains and the internet can be represented by the same type of structure (a structure of neurons in the biological case) and the ways they can interact can I do not doubt also be represented by the same type of structure, in-between them - or encompassing them (that is collecting them together) or overviewing them.

No doubt too I am assisted by the Authorities not drugging me too much, so they don’t do everything wrong.

Top

04/06/07 14:52

ASM has now been affecting me [?], and I have dozed off for perhaps twenty minutes. I can’t say if the ASM is that I took in in this morning’s Brecon Carreg now showing through or whether I took some additionally in the café coffee. It isn’t really relevant. Although it must be an amazingly small dosage I do feel some discomfort in my legs. Just as in years gone by - when I first had multi-channel TV, at my parents’ house - the ASM encourages me to put up with - even enjoy - continuous and quite repetitious music on one or other of the non-stop music channels. And, now I think of it, in the summer of 1980, arguing that then too as well as amphetamine I was being given ASM a lot of the time [I am probably confusing an effect of barbiturate with effects of ASM here].

It is my view that at the time I wrote the paragraph in bold above, the ASM and the amphetamine were coming close to cancelling out, and now the ASM is predominating. Earlier it was the amphetamine predominating, and in Dawn too but in her case producing more frustration than in my case. I reiterate: in Dawn’s case less stimulant-and-ASM encourages frustration, especially with the amphetamine predominant, but increasing the ASM dosage (or it seems both together) the amphetamine effect of frustration is subdued (and it may be that then she feels more the pleasurable aspects of amphetamine, eg in enhanced tactile sensitivity); whereas in my case increasing ASM even if the amphetamine also is increased produces more frustration and tenseness.

04/06/07 16:14

About forty minutes ago we drove up to Bromley Lane again. I said this morning it was my intention to do so, and as we observed it was time for kids coming out of school I bethought me that the filling station is unlikely to be stocked with drugged drink at a time it is busy with schoolkids (although only two are allowed in at one time). For example, I could buy such drink and then hand it out free to the schoolkids. So I have come away with four more 75cl Brecon Carreg, most unlikely to be drugged. The question now is how to keep it safe, preferably without the cost of two superglued and possibly irretrievable ten-pound notes. I have had further thoughts on switches operated by opening doors, automatically provided on fridges but also on most if not all digital electronic safes. There is of course a switch which operates when the lid of a laptop is closed, but I find I am much less paranoid these days (because of the absence of drugs in my system) about stuff on my computer being stolen. Most of it the Authorities must have already, and new stuff I publish almost in its entirety - except VB progs, not all of which get published; and now I think of it security information such as passwords naturally don’t get published; nor my correspondence. Still, as I say what I mainly would fear now is the computer system being corrupted, and because I have multiple backups of the Amilo Pro system in scattered secure locations, I do not particularly fear even that. (The true explanation is that I can see the situation clearly and fully I believe - or as near as dammit - and do not envisage the wool being pulled over my eyes to any great and dangerous extent, except of course should I be given ASM in quantity but that seems very unlikely.)

04/06/07 16:46

I have noted down the batch numbers on the various Brecon Carreg 75cl. I point out that the difference or discrepancy ascertained - that one (at least) of them is drugged and others not drugged - contains information. Differences - edges - are what contain information, in the real world and I daresay if one studied information theory in that too.

04/06/07 17:26

We have come out to the back garden where Dawn is mowing the lawn. I have taken the opportunity to get up a ladder and take the presumably broken element out of the security light which for a long time now has not worked. I can’t see any wattage marked on it, but it is about 7.5 cm long and about 0.7 cm in diameter. From what I recall it is a high-powered one which I think means 500W.

It strikes me one should easily be able to adapt the infrared sensor to set off a camera when triggered. Thinking of this business of doing as much as is reasonable oneself - making security devices by adapting other things, in this instance - what the Authorities would wish I believe is for me to develop a desire for something - say a security system from Argos, which is something Dawn’s uncle suggested - and then to observe me going about procuring it. The trouble is, I know from experience that when They interfere things become simply unacceptably slow and laborious - for example when I phone up about anything I always get interminable music. I know this is something which annoys many people, but when it goes so far as half an hour listening to Telewest music on an evening which can’t conceivably be busy, or waiting up to an hour listening to music on the line to NHS Direct at 3 am and that not a weekend, well it can’t be natural and I still ask myself what’s the point, what are They investigating? The obvious answer, which I used to presume, was frustration, but what’s to investigate in it that such experiments need to be repeated so much over the years? The answer I toy with nowadays is that it is to make me feel singled out and got at and paranoid. I do feel singled out, but when They have State backing implicating the police, what can I do about it? It just seems grossly improper of the State to allow it. (What I can do about it is learn to adapt stuff myself, such as security systems. Think for oneself is the motto, not at all a Socialist motto.)

The reason I am becoming plaintive (that’s the best word for this mild degree of resentment, I feel) is of course the wearing-off of this morning’s drugs.

04/06/07 18:19

I have taken a Strepsil, within the past twenty minutes I estimate. I mention this because I took one this morning sometime, before I developed the effects of drugs I’m sure. I think likely there’s nothing in it, but I do now feel tired - my eyes do - but this is probably an after-effect of this morning’s drugs. This morning I feel I pinned down the time the effects started pretty closely.

04/06/07 19:23

I think after the entry above we had our evening meal of honey roast pork, tinned peas and jacket potato (and I took some Lurpak with the potato). My memory of the period since is unclear. I fell asleep I feel sure, and when I came-to, the TV programme which is now on was on, Celebrity Masterchef (which started evidently at 7 pm). Before that I remember Midlands Today was on but all I recall of it is mention of School of Rock. On the BBC Six O’Clock News - which we had on before we went to the table - and that struck me as odd in the coverage of cancer, and also a sequence showing Tony Blair speaking in a frame superimposed in a strange way onto the side of a mosque [the strange syntax here I do not doubt resulted from the effect of barbiturate - note added 17/06/07 12:47]. That latter sequence must have come on after our meal, because Dawn was sitting next to me on the couch and I commented to her on it (in other words she was not busy preparing the meal).

04/06/07 19:47

I have kept the Strepsils with me all day, but the Lurpak was left here - and exactly where it was left I am unsure - when we went out this afternoon - after eating sandwiches made with the Lurpak that is - to Bromley Lane. I think the drug affecting me this evening has been a short-acting barbiturate, as I am confused - but only over the past hour say - because of the uncertainty of my memory when I was (as Dawn confirms) nodded off around 7 pm. Looking at my entry of 18:19 - made before eating the evening meal I’m sure, even though I now have no clear memory of the sequence - it seems very likely the Strepsils - or some of them - contain such a barbiturate, the idea being no doubt to cause me confusion. I have just felt I needed to go to the toilet, and had a slight evacuation of the bowels seemingly not of such an urgent nature as is caused by a stimulant. I conclude it was an effect of the barbiturate (promoting resting and digesting, and incidentally making me hungry when I came-to about 7.20 pm so that I ate a number of biscuits).

I bought the Strepsils - Dawn and I agree in our memory - at Somerfield, she thinks yesterday. It was Sunday yesterday and Somerfield would have closed at 4 pm. I remember yesterday using my random-supermarketeer to suggest buying I think Evian 6 along the shelf, but my memory was faulty and I mis-remembered it as 5 along the shelf. We bought water only at Rushmere - Buxton after removing the front four bottles to get at the fifth (I remember saying how odd the proprietor must have found the procedure). I do not remember driving to Somerfield and we certainly didn’t walk or use the bus. I suspect Dawn’s memory is confused. I can check up by looking back at yesterday’s notes.

04/06/07 20:32

I am drinking a glass of the lemon and lime Volvic from the Tesco Express this morning. I suppose it is very unlikely to be drugged. The reason drugged foods - and in particular that Brecon Carreg from Bromley Lane - could be sold on Saturday was that a big effort was put in and the area was overrun with agents of the Authorities - at a time - and partly causing - the traffic was chock-a-block.

04/06/07 20:52

I am sweating unnaturally and for other reasons too suspect amphetamine in the half-glass of the Volvic I have drunk. This is good stuff actually, as if after say an hour taking nothing further by mouth now the effects become unmistakable, well then I have well over a litre of amphetamined drink to store away for future use hopefully to my advantage.

04/06/07 21:04

I have developed sore throat which invites me to take more drink, which of course is a bit of a problem. I could take another Strepsil as I believe it contains only barbiturate and not ASM. Of course now I think, it may be that the amphetamine was contained in the Strepsil. I remember now when buying the Strepsils at Somerfield on Saturday, having to fetch them out from a difficult place because the obvious ones were lemon, or honey and lemon, or something. I conclude from this that products in open view which anyone might pick up to buy are unlikely to be drugged, or at least drugged with these drugs with a high component part of amphetamine, in which case the Volvic will not in fact be drugged. Saturday must have been - as I said - exceptional in the effort put in by the Authorities.

From Dawn’s reaction when she is in fact given amphetamine - as this morning at that café - it may well be that the tapwater is innocent of amphetamine (but not necessarily of ASM).

04/06/07 21:26

But thinking about it what is happening is the Authorities are trying to tempt me to trust the tapwater so they can build up the dosage (of whatever they choose). Besides, Dawn has acid reflux and tummy pains especially at night, even though the dosage of amphetamine - set against the ASM - must be low (she has just drunk a mug of coffee made with tapwater and is now complaining of acid reflux).

My attitude here is turning towards the paranoid, and a headache is developing, so the dosage affecting me - of amphetamine evidently with ASM combined - must be non-negligible, whether just from the Strepsil or not.

04/06/07 21:52

My view of probabilities has been distorted, probably more by hypnotic suggestion (with the use of barbiturate) than by ASM. It is extremely unlikely much water on sale in shops would be drugged, and it must have been ‘hypnotic advice’ which led me to that filling station in Bromley Lane on Saturday. Therefore what I need to do - and I must have been deliberately led to small bottles of bought water to increase the cost and difficulty for me - is buy a large number of bottles of water, without even bothering to test them as certainly no large number would be amphetamined. And retain them safe, and now I think buy them in advance for use in Nottinghamshire. Also, come to rely less on water and more on milk and randomly selected drinks.

04/06/07 22:46

The effect of ASM is now predominating. Three of the Strepsils have been used, and Dawn and I agree in our memory that she had one of them although we don’t remember when. I must have taken one Strepsil yesterday and another this morning, and the effect of the ASM is accumulating as if I were taking tablets in the ordinary course once a day. I am not capable of thinking it out properly. I presume it is stimulant - presumably amphetamine taken earlier, presumably also in the Strepsils - keeping me awake. I have no side-effects such as in the legs or anything like nasal congestion. So either the antischizophrenic drug is one without significant side-effects - in my individual case anyway - or the addition of the stimulant gets rid of side-effects, which if it were so I must say would surprise me.

I am wakeful but I am not having interesting ideas eg on character recognition or on anything in the nature of computer programming. I do not feel enthusiastic about updating my website. In fact I do not feel enthusiastic about anything. What puzzles me - and I seek to explain it in terms of the ASM effects accumulating - is the difference between the state I was in last night and the state I am in now. What is puzzling is that last night and more so this morning I noticed the effect of the stimulant predominating.

04/06/07 23:17

After saying yesterday evening that I detected no stimulant effect but did detect ASM effects - I believe now originating from the Strepsil I took sometime early yesterday evening - I had this to say:

03/06/07 20:45

I think the reason the ASM effects ceased to be apparent was the growing effect of amphetamine in interaction, and this morning the amphetamine predominated (possibly not even requiring that I believe I took in more drugs this morning, although as the effects probably do not accumulate if the drugs are taken only once a day it may be that the Brecon Carreg this morning also was drugged), but with time going on and taking the drugs say morning and night (another Strepsil this evening) the effects are smoothing out, resulting in the unhappy condition I am in now where I am not sleepy in any natural way - not really inclined in any way to sleep - but my mind is underactive although not exactly empty. I am capable of thinking - enough to explain what I am explaining - but there is nothing interesting in what I am thinking: the thoughts - and life should the effects continue - seem flat and dull.

Top

05/06/07 03:40 [Tuesday]

I woke up five minutes ago over a fairly short interval of less than ten minutes. I slept all night with ear-plugs in. I didn’t need to get up at all to go to the toilet. I am drinking a small glass of the lemon and lime Volvic, having thought out this morning that it is unlikely to be drugged - and not (by virtue of the ear-plugs) having been ‘hypnotised’ what to take on getting up. According to what I worked out last night, this morning the ASM then affecting me should be having a continuing effect. What the Authorities would wish is for me to take something this morning containing - like the Strepsils and the one Brecon Carreg 75cl I conjecture - a mixture of amphetamine and ASM. In fact this cycle of morning and night ingestions may have been going on for a while, and the morning amphetamine may have been what used to give me the impression that my seriatim lagged, that it was initially inactive and then later ‘woke up’ (that is, I now think, when the amphetamine got to work). I remember this happening quite dramatically when we were in Skegness in April: on taking milk first thing in the morning my initial very noticeable emptiness of mind became activity of mind.

If what I freely would choose to do is - a lot of the time - character recognition programming, and undrugged derive great pleasure from doing it - as at the best times last summer - where is the morality in drugging me and thereby interfering with my ability to derive that pleasure (eg last autumn)?

Something like a week after the last injection I had (on Tuesday 2 January 2007) I had this to say:

I have been thinking about the system of vision again. When photo software automatically fixes a photograph - and consider only black-and-white leaving aside colour balance - I suppose the brightness is altered so that the total blackness in the picture is some reasonable value - say an average greyscale value of 50% (I don’t know if 50% is at all reasonable, but that sort of thing). The contrast is fiddled with - making darker pixels blacker and lighter pixels whiter - until it too is some reasonable value. And the one impinges on the other, that is if there are more dark pixels than light, altering the contrast will alter the overall greyscale level; so either the contrast is altered then the brightness, or the two are altered alternately gravitating to some ‘ideal’ solution (I can’t determine without experimentation if such a gravitating method would be necessary or if doing the contrast first would immediately give the ideal).

The method used by the human eye - and incidentally I don’t think the human eye alters contrast: it uses this method I am about to outline instead - is better because it analyses the visual field into subparts each of which is treated separately, in terms of brightness adjustment and also in terms of sizing of the subparts to give a natural division of the picture (and if the subparts aren’t square I don’t imagine the aspect ratio is varied but the orientation - portrait versus landscape - may be). The subparts might be square but it seems a possibility they are naturally designed in line with the Golden Ratio (for aspect ratio), in order to cater for the phenomenon of gravity. Not only are characters usually taller than they are wide, but paper for writing on usually is too (rather reminding one that a human person is taller than he is wide, and those animals - including children - who are wider than tall are treated as diminutives and called tu in French; furthermore adult human persons are characters but children wider than tall are just developing characters).

I am working on exactly how the visual system - the human visual system in particular - might pre-process a scene (consequent on remarks I wrote on Sunday 10 September 2006).

I feel sure I must have been psyched up to reject the injection and from the end of 2006 I had been free of ASM (presumably given till then in the injection, and the 2 January 2007 injection not genuine), that I should start to think the thoughts above as early as Monday 8 January 2007. [This sentence seems to me now to evidence the confusional effect of barbiturate then acting on me – note added 08/06/07 14:49.]

05/06/07 04:08

The reason I am given drugs eg last autumn which unfortunately interfere with my ability to do what I would freely choose to do is of course to seek to learn about the way the drugs work, through studying the interference indeed. This summer - as in summers in the past, although not every summer by any means and in particular it seems not last summer 2006 - I am given drugs with more of an amphetamine component, to study the psychotomimetic effect of that. In other words I am wrong in my implicit presumption above that the Authorities would have me now ingest drugs the same as last autumn, interfering with my activities in the same way. Although last summer substantially they did not interfere with my mind - even though I was made sleepy on unpredictable occasion nonetheless I was able to carry on my programming to a large extent - and the year before - eg when we took the kids to Wales - I was sometimes uninterfered with, nonetheless this year they seem to be making efforts to give me amphetamine, whether necessarily with a view to hospitalising me come autumn I can’t say. On the basis that in 2004 my hospitalisation I think was to ‘help’ me recover from the summer - to dry out - and in 2005 it involved to a large extent finding out about compulsory hospitalisation for mental illness in connection with the forthcoming revision to the law, it may be - especially as what I publish on my website must be very much wanted - that hospitalisation is less on the cards this year.

I am not thinking as clearly as I might wish, evidently because of the effects of ASM [or barbiturate] still in my system (but perhaps wearing off as the clarity of my thinking is improving). The clear implication of my angry supposition around February 2006 that I was being given unnatural stimulants eg in Bassetlaw CCU on Tuesday 21 February 2006 is that the injections which had been genuine risperidone no longer were. After that I conjecture the injections were at a much reduced dosage if they were genuine at all, and drugs were given orally in the main. It seems then that to try to look for a pattern related to the cessation of the injections at the start of this year - except the pattern that it was the start of the year, and I have had only one injection in 2007, on 2 January - is a waste of time.

What I was trying to sort out in my mind was the explanation why sometimes I can write computer progs and derive pleasure from doing so - a lot of last summer for example - and other times not - eg last autumn, when it was a struggle to achieve anything at all in the computer line. My fear - paranoia created by ASM continuing its effect on me (but just now wearing off) - was that the Authorities were intent constantly on drugging me as when I was given genuine injections in the winter of 2005-06 and as when I was given drugs in the autumn of 2006 in such a way that I was unpleasantly interfered with. This fear was based on the pattern I thought I observed last night - affected then by more ASM than recently - of ongoing drugging with a mixture of amphetamine and ASM. However, looking at patterns over the longer term, as I say often in the summer I am mainly given psychotomimetic amphetamine. Indeed by watching effects in Dawn I am beginning to be able to judge whether for example the tapwater - or coffee we are given in a café - contains larger amounts of amphetamine (presumably then intended to affect me in a psychotomimetic way).

05/06/07 04:40

I have been awake an hour and have taken half a small glass of the lemon and lime Volvic (100ml say). I notice no effect of drugs. I am not avidly doing a trivial VB prog - as I was under similar circumstances yesterday - driven on by undue achievement emotion (nonetheless the prog I came up with - or yesterday improved in fact - was a useful one). Of course presumably this morning there is no ‘hypnotic’ guidance resounding in my ears, as perhaps there sometimes is in the morning. Also, my faint tendency this morning to look back at drugging I have suffered over the months and years is surely related to ASM ingested yesterday and now wearing off. In fact I have quite quickly sorted out my ideas on what drugs I have been given over the past eighteen months, and the quickness (and accuracy, I suspect) with which I have drawn my conclusions indicates the ASM [and barbiturate] was only a low dosage. Hence the summary is, ASM [and barbiturate] is wearing off (has almost worn off) and there is no fresh ingestion of drugs for example amphetamine.

I will risk taking the other half-glass of Volvic.

05/06/07 04:54

As regards keeping things securely stored: instead of wasting banknotes what I shall try is clogging the keyhole of a digital electronic safe with superglue - and supergluing the cover over the keyhole - so that it can only be opened with the combination and not with a backup key. Then by choosing the combination randomly and changing it frequently I can hope to prevent access. Things to take care in: remembering or recording the combination; and not letting the batteries run down. I should have a timetable - routinely once a month say - for changing the combination and for changing the batteries. I could do so on the timetable for all my safes. If I were regularly changing the combination and the combination was a random number, I could afford to use the same combination on all my safes.

05/06/07 05:07

What seems to have been the case is that bottles of water bought at Somerfield (say) have contained drugs. Yesterday I felt safe buying bottled water close to a school as hundreds of kids were on their way home. So where is the boundary between safe and unsafe? If today at school home-time I took myself down to Kingswinford and bought some big bottles of water at places schoolkids shop - eg the shop attached to the post office, or the Stars newsagent in Market Street - I would feel fairly safe, even though I should think it is rare for schoolkids to buy the big bottles of water. However, if I went to Somerfield - less favoured by schoolkids I think - and bought the 5l size of water - much less favoured by schoolkids - I would feel less safe. On the other hand I could thereby obtain large quantities. If such bottles of water were drugged - including cases not involving schoolkids I suppose, because shopping mothers could give the water to their kids, naturally, even if (as now strikes me as most unlikely) the drugs in the water for us are thought unlikely to affect adults adversely - then there would have to be procedures in place to intercept innocent purchase. And the busier the store is, the less likely that would be. If something was only rarely bought - say a 5l bottle of water (I don’t know how popular a purchase that might be) - then if by chance in a busy period someone should queue up at the checkout with it, disruption would be caused in intercepting them there. The way to deal with this - and which I suspected last week at Asda Doncaster when there were shady characters standing about in the bottled water aisle - would be to intercept the potential purchaser - of the 5l water or whatever - before they got to the checkout. Nonetheless, the more this has to be done the more people - intercepted - would have to be explained to, so it is not going to be risked that much. Hence I should be safe going to any busy supermarket - randomly selected - and buying a large quantity of bottled water, especially if I make sure there are not agents of the Authorities observing purchasers of bottled water and ready to intercept.

Another way of procuring a large quantity of safe water would be to go to a randomly selected public supply - eg on a randomly selected caravan park - and fill containers. Because I do not have a safe of vault size, I would have to waste banknotes to secure the containered water. (The containers could however be superglued with a banknote into a large cupboard such as a wardrobe.)

The next thing to consider is the balance between retaining a quantity of safe water in reserve - with costs as above in banknotes and wardrobes, for example - set against the ease or difficulty of with certainty obtaining fresh supplies. It is rather more difficult in north Notts to be sure of one’s supply of bottled water, because places are more spread out geographically. One’s vehicle might fail and public transport not be available (on a Sunday, or due to a strike for example). What is needed in reserve wherever one is is a sufficiency to tide one over up to the time one can be certain to get to a busy supermarket. In practice then a week’s supply would be sufficient. A minimum basic reserve of 15l should be enough. This could easily be held in a yellow plastic storage tub of which we have several (bottled within the tub I mean), sealed with two banknotes. One would hope to have enough from day to day ordinarily not to have to break the seals on the reserve. A 5l bottle - or probably better, two 2l bottles - could easily be carried about and never left unattended. A secondary reserve - possibly breachable but kept with a view to not having to waste the banknotes on the basic 15l reserve - could be retained in digital electronic safes with the keyholes clogged as I said above. Such a safe holds at least 7.5l. in 75cl bottles (it should be stored on its side so the bottles are even less likely to leak than otherwise).

(This is what I mean by resolution - detail - in thinking.)

Another consideration is that one’s reserve might be stolen. The yellow tub could not be substituted because of the numbered banknotes (obviously one needs to copy down the banknote numbers) but it could be stolen (or destroyed). The safes could not be substituted if one noted the batch numbers of the bottles within - or put some coded paper within - and one could be certain no one knew what the code numbers were. Except if the safes were accessed - say we were detained in hospital, or were up north for a while and the safes down here - opened and the code numbers read. With safes the best idea is to secure them with steel-cable luggage tethers to such things as central heating pipework (assuming one doesn’t want to follow the official method of screwing them to the floor).

I detect no drugs affecting my thinking. It is 05/06/07 05:51.

05/06/07 05:58

I shall now test the Buxton water (batch number 07/2008 03:51 70313143A) by drinking a small glassful (say 200ml).

The batch number again: 07/2008 03:51 70313143A.

05/06/07 06:01

I have drunk the glass of Buxton water. I suppose this is rather more likely to be drugged than the Volvic because it was bought on Sunday in a very quiet place, and moreover was not the front bottle any ordinary purchaser would have selected.

05/06/07 06:10

Encountering some difficulty opening the safe in which I have placed the Brecon Carreg 75cl bottles I wondered if the batteries might be flat. I got slightly panicky wondering if I could trust batteries I have kept by and which might have been substituted by the Authorities (for example a tube of superglue yesterday which had been kept by proved defective as liable to leak), especially as I have no multimeter available or other means of testing them (and here I am not quite clear if it is clear what ‘them’ refers back to). Therefore there may have been drugs in the Buxton water.

Assuming this Buxton is drugged, if the effects at least initially are pleasurable - or if the effects are strongly noticeable in any way - I should retain the bottle of water for use later. It would be requisite then to seek to avoid further drugs today, so that hopefully tomorrow morning at latest my thinking will be again as clear as it has been so far this morning.

05/06/07 06:17

Soreness in my throat now invites me to drink more (or take a Strepsil, which I shall not do). [I have drunk no more - note added 05/06/07 06:33.]

I feel I should generate a random supermarket, as having something random available to me may well prove useful - generated this morning and not knowable yet by the Authorities.

05/06/07 06:24

I am feeling now a need - incipient urgency, I’m sure - to go to the toilet, probably to empty my bowels as well as to urinate. My mind is less clear than it was say half an hour ago. I have generated the random supermarket and we shall see if this policy is as successful today as yesterday in avoiding further drugging - too much further drugging, as yesterday the café in Kingswinford drugged us - later in the day.

My guess would now be that yesterday morning I was concerning myself with finances - in particular with retaining funds - on nighttime advice based on the fact that my organising capabilities are expected to go to pieces as I am drugged. (I had something else to say and the fact that it escapes me indicates drugs are affecting my memory or rather its accessibility.)

The other thing was: nighttime advice has also pointed me in the direction of being sure to be able to retain backups of my computer stuff.

05/06/07 06:31

I have not had to go to the toilet, the urgency not having developed (or not yet).

05/06/07 06:34

I notice a headache beginning.

Speaking of finances: we should have our benefit go in today, into the Yorkshire building society.